This just in---
The well-known trilogy, the Lord of the Rings, was written by *GASPU* a CHRISTIAN. J.R.R. Tolkien, fantastic writer that he is, was a devout follower of the Christian faith, and makes several references to God and Jesus-like figures throughout his novels. The movies by Peter Jackson have heaps of concealed messages about Christianity, so I advise any self respecting atheist or agnostic out there to avoid these movies at all costs! DO NOT, for any reason, take your children or anyone else's children to see these movies, because it may lead them to read the books and thereafter become Christian. As we all know, children are intelligent and perceptive enough to read between the lines and pick up the theological "subtleties" that are sprinkled throughout novels and stories. They never read for enjoyment, for the purely fantastical element through which they might escape every day life. No, they are forever seeking out the "deeper meaning." Why, I remember when I was five years old--I could pinpoint difficult subtexts and profound revelations in my sleep! Oh the humanity! Will someone PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN???!!!!

Also, do not encourage your children or any children you may know to read the Chronicles of Narnia. Along the same vein, you probably shouldn't let them read anything by Lewis Carrol, because he was a child molester and did opium frequently. Say good-bye to Grimm's fairy tales, because they may make your child morbid and violent. Yes, that includes Disney as well. Oh, and definitely forbid any children from listening to the Beatles! It is a well known fact that they were all on acid, for goodness sake!

So in conclusion, if you don't want your children growing up to be deranged, drugged up, mordant rapists, don't let them read any classic children's literature. Or watch any movies based on classic children's literature. Fill their brains with YOUR ideas and philosophies before they're old enough to be their own person, and they'll be safe from any outside influences. They'll thank you one day, I'm sure.


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(SARCASM)